Assertiveness : a means of self-care that involves communicating honestly…

…with yourself and others in a way that takes into account your rights and theirs.

Assertiveness is a means of being kind, because you’re a loving person. But not being « too nice », which is the opposite of assertiveness.

When we are too nice, it means that we are being fake : « everything is fine », which is what we were raised to do : « oh there is no problem », « children are to be seen, not heard », all of those messages we heard growing up, they don’t work. And they lead to problems.

1) Assertiveness is essential for mental health. It’s essential for true intimacy in relationships.

Without assertiveness we can actually have psychological and emotional issues come up. The chief one is DEPRESSION.

This comes from someone who feels that their needs are not being met.

The non assertive person is giving giving giving to everyone else, and feels like a victim and really lonely because nobody really knows her. Why is that ? Because she’s not telling anyone how she feels, she doesn’t even know how she feels, all she knows is how everyone else feels. She’s an expert at that.

Sounds familiar ?

2) Assertiveness is also essential for our physical health.

Do you feel like you're not taking care of your body the way that you want to ? Do you feel like you don't have the time because you're too busy taking care of everyone else ?

Do you have the feeling that you want to take more breaks for yourself, exercise more in a way that pleases you, sleep enough and take the time to feed your body the nourishment that you need ?

3) Assertiveness is a way for you to live in this world and to feel heard!

Have you ever felt like you're invisible ? Like your voice is not being head ? Like everyone talks over you ? Have you ever felt like your relationships are one way street ? Like everyone tells you their problems and when you start to talk about yourself they have to go now ?

(Certified Assertiveness Coach - Doreen Virtue)

Through assertiveness, you can begin the process of HEALING all those feelings. You are going to learn to speak up for yourself. It could be scary at first, I know, I've been there myself, but the reward would be true intimacy in relationships, and people really knowing you and accepting your for who you are. And you really knowing people too! And that's a beautiful reward. You are going to learn what you needs are, and you are going to teach others what they are. People are going to come to you and you're going to feel heard.

Karim.