Passive-aggressiveness is a form of aggression…

…that people who are afraid to speak their truth use to convey their feelings “sideways” through tools such as sarcasm instead of stating them directly.

Sarcasm examples : « yeah right! », « dream on ». They say their feelings in a way that they are inflecting humor to cover them up instead of directly saying them.

Most of the time passive-aggressiveness is verbal. It’s a sideways way of telling the other person : « this is what I need, this is want I want, this is how I feel ».

Passive-aggressiveness can be behavioral : for example you mess up a task you really don’t want to do, or you « forget » to do it, instead of saying « no I’m not happy. I don’t want to do it ».

You hinting : people don’t understand how you feel. People are not picking up on those cues, because most people are busy thinking about themselves. Unless they are someone really connected to other people’s feelings.

Passive-aggressiveness is not an efficient way to connect with others and have true intimacy. It’s a very lonely world. You are not sharing who you really are.

Passive-aggressiveness is a cry for help : « please hear my screams, please ask me what I need, please come rescue me ».

You are not connecting to the other person. It’s a world of depression (that’s what happens when we stuff down anger) and loneliness.

Well, there is a better way : Assertiveness.

Certified Assertiveness Coach - Doreen Virtue